I always find it funny how surprised guys gets when
explaining my close female friendships I still hold. It’s like men expect us to
be catty and bitches to one another so we are incapable of keeping long term friendships.
I would be a liar if I said my immediate circle of friends never fought or had falling
outs but the one thing I commend us on is we do not tell each other’s business.
I have seen firsthand where one day chicks are posting pictures together
screaming besties then the next you hear about the many STDs she had from her “best
friend”. How anyone can be trustworthy if they can dish something someone went
through in complete privacy because they are mad is beyond me. That’s why I am
so thankful to have the ladies I have because I can trust them when I need to
bare all that is on my mind and going on in my life without any other parties
knowing. This level of trust is important because I tell my friends pretty much
everything.
When I say pretty much everything, I've learned some things
regarding our significant others should be tread lightly. When it comes to my
relationship, every fight or even most fights don’t need to be broadcasted but
those breaking points are when my friends are needed the most. Especially if I
think he’s lying, cheating, playing games or even know for sure I am enlisting
my girls to figure it out. I need an outside perspective if I am “trippin” and plus
I got a NSA/CIA/Navy Seal team from Miami to New York that is on the mission
when I give it. This bond I have with my friends, they know a lot and probably
will always know a lot. This raises the questions
1. Is there too much information we share with our friends?
2. Are there certain things our friends don’t need to know especially while in a relationship? Is cheating one of them?
3. Does your friends opinion of your mate matter in a relationship?
@Abruptndemandin
This is a very complex set of questions. There are a few factors one most think about before confiding in a friend. I believe having a personal life outside your relationship , I respect when people say that their spouse is their best friend but in my reality, that's malarkey. In many situations a person has a friend from childhood in their life, how can you say a person you met a few years ago is your best friend? It's sounds nice and heart warming, but; definitely one of those white lies we tell our mates . There are certain topics of discussion one can't speak to their partner about because they won't understand the experience. With that said all friends aren't equal, let me explain
1) Know the personality of your friends, they all respond differently to different situations.
2) All friends don't hold secrets the same. It's important to figure out which ones you can trust with a certain level of information.
3) All friends don't judge your actions the same. That's the main difference I will say between men and women. What my male friends let me pass with, my female friends may be offended by.
I believe friends of the opposite sex, a person needs to be careful with the information given, speaking from a personal experience I once confided in a female friend about my gf at that time and at the first instance she blew up at my gf with private information that I gave her. At the moment I had the discussion with the woman because she was going through an experience that I was going through with my girlfriend at that time and thought it was a place where I could express myself freely, big mistake. So basically, no don't tell your friends anything you don't want to get out,
keep certain things to yourself.
2) To answer the cheating part I believe it's 3 fold, I have been in each situation in my past and I feel I'm I may have a good view point on the the whole cheating thing
a) If I am the cheater
I spoke about this before in my past. If I am cheating then only one person knows I'm cheating and that's the person i'm cheating with, I would convince myself that I was not cheating to make sure only one person knows of this behavior. That's something I would keep away from my friends, If I was a cheater. Certain things in life you would play close to cheek because with loose ends you can mess your life up.
Reminds me of a song
b) If my friend is being cheated on.
Whether male or female you have to know this friend, people love to front as if they're a stronger individual than they really are. In my experience with letting a friend know of their unfaithful partner; it is some times best to just mind your own business. What's the point of ruining a naive person's relationship if that person will just still continue to take the cheating? After you tell the friend and he/she stays with their mate, you will forever be in an awkward situation when you all are together in one place.
On the other hand there are proactive people who will either dump their partner or get even.
Last but not least, you may never know, maybe they are in an open relationship.
Bottom line, get to know the friend before you drop a bomb like this on them. your information can be helpful or harmful judging by the personality of your friend..
c) If my friend is cheating
Don't tell me, in the same way I wouldn't want to know if I was cheating, I don't want the information that my friend is. I don't want to be the one that has the slip of the tongue or have to judge your behavior when you are around your woman. Don't get it twisted ladies. All male friends are not supportive of their friends cheating. Let me give you a personal example and this was by far the worst I have seen.
Friend met a random person from out of town, friend sleeps with person unprotected that same night, friend sleeps with mate unprotected. I give friend a stern talking to for putting that mate at risk, It's one thing to play with your health, but; you should never put an innocent bystander in harm's way.
Last case scenario If i'm cool with both individuals equally in their relationship, I am not saying a word. I will act like it didn't happen. "I want no parts".
3) My friend's opinion on who I date holds no weight in my relationship
However, facts do matter. If my friend has the scoop on you, which a woman wouldn't give up until she was capable of making that man fall in love with her...(aka the HoeFacts ) then yea it matters. Opinions aren't facts and I thank our Creator that I am such a strong enough individual that I am able to create my own opinion and I don't have to fit in, I have a brain and I use it well.
@Abruptndemandin
In appreciation of the blog title
Check in next week for Part 2 , Lauren will weigh in on the topic, any questions or feedback please contact us through twitter: (@Abruptndemandin - Endi) (@TheLaurenway - Lauren) or by email: Ratchetsophistication@gmail.com
1. Is there too much information we share with our friends?
2. Are there certain things our friends don’t need to know especially while in a relationship? Is cheating one of them?
3. Does your friends opinion of your mate matter in a relationship?
@Abruptndemandin
This is a very complex set of questions. There are a few factors one most think about before confiding in a friend. I believe having a personal life outside your relationship , I respect when people say that their spouse is their best friend but in my reality, that's malarkey. In many situations a person has a friend from childhood in their life, how can you say a person you met a few years ago is your best friend? It's sounds nice and heart warming, but; definitely one of those white lies we tell our mates . There are certain topics of discussion one can't speak to their partner about because they won't understand the experience. With that said all friends aren't equal, let me explain
1) Know the personality of your friends, they all respond differently to different situations.
2) All friends don't hold secrets the same. It's important to figure out which ones you can trust with a certain level of information.
3) All friends don't judge your actions the same. That's the main difference I will say between men and women. What my male friends let me pass with, my female friends may be offended by.
I believe friends of the opposite sex, a person needs to be careful with the information given, speaking from a personal experience I once confided in a female friend about my gf at that time and at the first instance she blew up at my gf with private information that I gave her. At the moment I had the discussion with the woman because she was going through an experience that I was going through with my girlfriend at that time and thought it was a place where I could express myself freely, big mistake. So basically, no don't tell your friends anything you don't want to get out,
keep certain things to yourself.
2) To answer the cheating part I believe it's 3 fold, I have been in each situation in my past and I feel I'm I may have a good view point on the the whole cheating thing
a) If I am the cheater
I spoke about this before in my past. If I am cheating then only one person knows I'm cheating and that's the person i'm cheating with, I would convince myself that I was not cheating to make sure only one person knows of this behavior. That's something I would keep away from my friends, If I was a cheater. Certain things in life you would play close to cheek because with loose ends you can mess your life up.
Reminds me of a song
b) If my friend is being cheated on.
Whether male or female you have to know this friend, people love to front as if they're a stronger individual than they really are. In my experience with letting a friend know of their unfaithful partner; it is some times best to just mind your own business. What's the point of ruining a naive person's relationship if that person will just still continue to take the cheating? After you tell the friend and he/she stays with their mate, you will forever be in an awkward situation when you all are together in one place.
On the other hand there are proactive people who will either dump their partner or get even.
Last but not least, you may never know, maybe they are in an open relationship.
Bottom line, get to know the friend before you drop a bomb like this on them. your information can be helpful or harmful judging by the personality of your friend..
c) If my friend is cheating
Don't tell me, in the same way I wouldn't want to know if I was cheating, I don't want the information that my friend is. I don't want to be the one that has the slip of the tongue or have to judge your behavior when you are around your woman. Don't get it twisted ladies. All male friends are not supportive of their friends cheating. Let me give you a personal example and this was by far the worst I have seen.
Friend met a random person from out of town, friend sleeps with person unprotected that same night, friend sleeps with mate unprotected. I give friend a stern talking to for putting that mate at risk, It's one thing to play with your health, but; you should never put an innocent bystander in harm's way.
Last case scenario If i'm cool with both individuals equally in their relationship, I am not saying a word. I will act like it didn't happen. "I want no parts".
3) My friend's opinion on who I date holds no weight in my relationship
However, facts do matter. If my friend has the scoop on you, which a woman wouldn't give up until she was capable of making that man fall in love with her...(aka the HoeFacts ) then yea it matters. Opinions aren't facts and I thank our Creator that I am such a strong enough individual that I am able to create my own opinion and I don't have to fit in, I have a brain and I use it well.
@Abruptndemandin
In appreciation of the blog title
Check in next week for Part 2 , Lauren will weigh in on the topic, any questions or feedback please contact us through twitter: (@Abruptndemandin - Endi) (@TheLaurenway - Lauren) or by email: Ratchetsophistication@gmail.com
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