Lauren's Take
I say no. The problem is I see social media is affecting the way a lot of people think not only in relationships but in general. There was a time in order to get to know someone we had to talk on the phone and actually interact in person. The people that will truly understand this are the ones born between 1980-1987 because we literally were the pioneers of social media in its infant stages but we knew what life was like without the internet as well. There was a point in time when social media was just another form of communication then we went and seen our real life friends. Today I think most people are becoming more passive aggressive, self-absorbed, attention seeking, and failing to create real foundations in relationships both friendships and romantic. This just has a lot to do with how social media is evolving, more likes/followers = popular. I realized that social media is real but not real but fake but not fake. Just understanding that confusing statement will save a lot of pain.
I typically tell stories of the past because it is none of y'all business what is happening in my life currently but this ties into so much I recently discovered so hope I don’t get myself in trouble by sharing. The topic of social media, mainly my twitter activity, has come up a few times lately. It was one of those things where I kind of brushed it off in the beginning as I was joking but truthfully there were things I wrote passive aggressively. Most people don’t even pay attention to my timeline and I could pass a lot off as trolling but know he will always catch something I post. The error in this is we are supposed to have an intimate relationship but I could still put something that the whole world can see. That right there is just a complete failure in communication. I had to honestly take a short break because if I couldn't tell him “I was mad/sad/unhappy because_____” then I didn't need to talk about it elsewhere. In general we do this too much. Just look at your timeline now and it’s nothing but subliminal posts meant for one person. It’s really easy to just tell them how you feel not the timeline. Ironically, I'd like to say sorry for being an asshole on Twitter love.
Then I realized we aren't learning each other the same anymore as we used to just a decade ago. I am not knocking friendships made through social media but today if you follow anyone for years we kind of feel like we know them even if we never actually met. We know what they do every day, what they kids look like, where they work, and how they feel about major issues but don’t exactly know their character. That’s why shows like Catfish exist because social media is real but not real but fake but not fake. Learning someone’s character is something you have to learn in person but we tend to confuse what we find out indirectly. On a couple occasions I have heard from my guy that he sees my whole thought process on the timeline sometimes. Personally this isn't exactly fair to him or myself because certain conversations should be held directly and personally. This is exactly how a lot of new relationships begin they just know too much about each other indirectly too soon. We can go on a first date and already know everything we should be asking. It’ll either be faked interest or things happening prematurely. We get so much of this knowledge we actually think we know people more than we really do. Then when times get tough we realize we don’t really know them.
As I was figuring out how to deal with a lot of these things I was noticing, something awesome happened. One night I was so pissed that I blocked him on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and probably marked his email as spam. So of course we made up eventually and I decided to unblock him but not follow or friend again. At this point it eliminated a lot of the unnecessary. The major thing I noticed was all these different forms of communication really of diluted our personal communication. Now the only way I can get my point across is personal contact. Even not seeing his name pop up on my timeline makes me miss him as opposed to seeing a constant flow of contact.
Now I don’t see what he’s up to unless I go looking. I noticed I’m not seeing things that aren't there anymore. A lot of us do this too because social media has a way of misconstruing communication we see others having. This has a lot to do with our insecurity issues really. Who isn't insecure about something? Sadly it’s due to most loving someone that pretty much destroyed their trust. Especially women, we understand that all men aren't the same but life and heartbreak changes how we think sometimes and it really takes a man to just prove he’s not like the rest. That’s for another post. With social media it is so easy to investigate things that aren't necessarily there. Now our men have access to all these woman so if we think he’s the most amazing man in the universe why wouldn't someone else? I will admit this is where my female logic fails me a lot so make sure y'all keep this confession forever. Over time I have been asked or befriended by many chicks that thought I wanted their man because of our social media contact. EVERY SINGLE ONE WAS NOT EVEN ON MY RADAR!!!! You would think that logically I wouldn't snoop. NOPE! I paid attention to every mention and who gave too many likes. It’s like I knew how illogical that was, even as I am typing, I realize the irrationality of it all but it was still in my nature to look into it. I have access to look if I want but learning just to go off trust now.
For these reasons alone I highly suggest not to follow your significant other on social media especially if y'all having arguments or it’s a new relationship, it’s not worth it. I don't think its ruining relationships I just say it's stunting a relationships full potential. When y'all have a really strong relationship social media is just seen as entertainment as it is meant to be. Life makes us insecure so don’t let more unnecessary things make it harder. Take responsibility of your own insecurities and build a better foundation. Until then just follow each other, take a break from being nosy, and actually ask your partner what is on their mind. Remember social media is real but not real but fake but not fake.
Peace & Blessings,
Lauren
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