Every relationship I have been in, it seems the woman is waiting for the day that I will become "the man of her dreams". I always viewed girlfriend at that time as a queen. I felt they were good enough for me as they were. Through my evaluation of them I felt that I could be with that person for a long time and that's why we entered a titled relationship. In a way it left me a bit insecure wondering why doesn't my woman accept me for who I am? The constant push for change in me, left me thinking; she isn't in love with me, it was the idea of me that she preferred. This is an issue I have brought up with a few of my friends of the opposite sex and through the answers I received woman at an early age like to date off potential.
The disconnect: Men want their women to stay the same, be the person I decided to commit to. Women want the man to evolve into a man that was manufactured in their brains. My question to women, why do you need your man to change?
Lauren:
This is where a man’s logic is flawed because the only thing constant in this world is change. I look at life as far as energy and whoever enters my life it is because we are on the same frequency. I make it a goal to better myself in all areas so either the people around me have to change as well or by the laws of nature they will get left on that frequency. Everyone in my life has to grow with me.
This is where a man’s logic is flawed because the only thing constant in this world is change. I look at life as far as energy and whoever enters my life it is because we are on the same frequency. I make it a goal to better myself in all areas so either the people around me have to change as well or by the laws of nature they will get left on that frequency. Everyone in my life has to grow with me.
On a less scientific
note, you meet your woman, feelings will eventually change hence requiring the
relationship to change. I think the biggest cop out is claiming you were a
certain way when you met as to why things won’t change. I hope you don’t have
the same mindset as you had at 18 and won’t have the same at 50 as you do now. Some
men’s biggest problem is their ability to adapt so they create a resistance. You
may love summer so much but continuing to wear shorts when the leaves change
and die won’t keep winter from coming. We are forced to change who we are
because of life. I think one of the most amazing messages is State Farm’s “Never”
commercial. Watch it here. Change happens! Adapt!
If you love this woman, care about this woman, why not
change certain things to make your relationship work? Especially if it is
something for the better. Don’t let your stubborn miss out on an amazing woman
because you fear change. She accepts you
for who you are but sees more in you, the real question is why you don’t see
this in yourself?
Endi:
Yes, you hit the nail on the head, the only constant in life is change, with that said, that statement is dangerous. So let's knock out the woman flaw; you can not control change within a human-being, you will not be able to decide how the man reacts to what ever force causes the difference in behavior. If a man changes, who is to say that woman will still be attracted to the man that has evolved? What can be more alarming to the woman is once this man has changed, are you sure he will still be interested in you? I can't help but think that changes contribute to the high divorce rate in this country, what do you think? I agree, people have to grow with each other, a man has to put away childish things, priorities in life must change. Those factors are given, secondary issues I feel people won't necessarily change or mature from. I have yet to meet a man that complains he wants his woman to change, it's a concept only women have. If you aren't what a man wants, we won't take you seriously.
I agree when you meet someone, date and realize the person will be there for a long time, the relationship will change. I think there is a disconnect though. I believe when a man wants to commit to a woman he then cuts off his hoes and puts into his mind he is going to make a real financial commitment to this woman, and that's where it ends. On the other hand women seem to suck the fun out of the relationship, they focus more on trying to play a role than being the fun interesting person that captured the man's heart. No, I don't have the same mind frame I had at 19 and most men my age have matured as well, however; people go through many experiences that form their character from their early teens to their mid 20's. At a certain age you are who you are. Your argument is absolutely valid for two highschoolers who are dating and want to have a future together. As a man in his late 20's I don't see much of a change in my fundamental thinking that will change from this point on. My views of certain things will be what they are. For a woman to look for potential in an adult is a recipe for disaster.
Women need to stop with the controlling tendencies. If you go into a relationship attempting to change a person, you are sick, instead of trying to change who a person is, why don't you go out and find what you are truly looking for, if you enter a relationship and want to change that person, my dear you are settling, plain and simple. That man is not meeting your checklist of requirements. Ladies, know your worth, and get the man you deserve, stop settling for a man you are required to change.
Thanks for an insightful look into the mindset of women, even though we may disagree. it is one step closer to understanding within the gender war.
Thank you all for that read, the feedback and the discussions. Follow us on twitter to continue the discussion.
@abruptndemandin
@thelaurenway
Any questions or feedback please contact us :
ratchetsophistication@gmail.com
Endi:
Yes, you hit the nail on the head, the only constant in life is change, with that said, that statement is dangerous. So let's knock out the woman flaw; you can not control change within a human-being, you will not be able to decide how the man reacts to what ever force causes the difference in behavior. If a man changes, who is to say that woman will still be attracted to the man that has evolved? What can be more alarming to the woman is once this man has changed, are you sure he will still be interested in you? I can't help but think that changes contribute to the high divorce rate in this country, what do you think? I agree, people have to grow with each other, a man has to put away childish things, priorities in life must change. Those factors are given, secondary issues I feel people won't necessarily change or mature from. I have yet to meet a man that complains he wants his woman to change, it's a concept only women have. If you aren't what a man wants, we won't take you seriously.
I agree when you meet someone, date and realize the person will be there for a long time, the relationship will change. I think there is a disconnect though. I believe when a man wants to commit to a woman he then cuts off his hoes and puts into his mind he is going to make a real financial commitment to this woman, and that's where it ends. On the other hand women seem to suck the fun out of the relationship, they focus more on trying to play a role than being the fun interesting person that captured the man's heart. No, I don't have the same mind frame I had at 19 and most men my age have matured as well, however; people go through many experiences that form their character from their early teens to their mid 20's. At a certain age you are who you are. Your argument is absolutely valid for two highschoolers who are dating and want to have a future together. As a man in his late 20's I don't see much of a change in my fundamental thinking that will change from this point on. My views of certain things will be what they are. For a woman to look for potential in an adult is a recipe for disaster.
Women need to stop with the controlling tendencies. If you go into a relationship attempting to change a person, you are sick, instead of trying to change who a person is, why don't you go out and find what you are truly looking for, if you enter a relationship and want to change that person, my dear you are settling, plain and simple. That man is not meeting your checklist of requirements. Ladies, know your worth, and get the man you deserve, stop settling for a man you are required to change.
Lauren:
I completely get what you are saying but it lies in the maturity of both parties. On one hand, a woman’s lack of maturity presents this controlling attitude. The controlling comes from our natural maternal instincts. We are built to be moms physically, emotionally, and mentally so we tend to be motherly with the people we love. Problem is we can't be a mother to our man because ultimately the boy leaves his mother to find his wife. His wife is who he provides for while his mother provided (past tense) for him. That’s why we hear all these stories of a man leaving after being taken care of by his woman when he gets on his feet. We can’t be his mother but we can be his woman when things aren’t perfect. Truth is no one’s life will ever be completely together and there will always be room to grow. That is why we see the potential in you. The woman that rocks with you when your life is not perfect will be the same one that is there if things fall apart 20 years from now knowing you have what it takes to overcome it.
I completely get what you are saying but it lies in the maturity of both parties. On one hand, a woman’s lack of maturity presents this controlling attitude. The controlling comes from our natural maternal instincts. We are built to be moms physically, emotionally, and mentally so we tend to be motherly with the people we love. Problem is we can't be a mother to our man because ultimately the boy leaves his mother to find his wife. His wife is who he provides for while his mother provided (past tense) for him. That’s why we hear all these stories of a man leaving after being taken care of by his woman when he gets on his feet. We can’t be his mother but we can be his woman when things aren’t perfect. Truth is no one’s life will ever be completely together and there will always be room to grow. That is why we see the potential in you. The woman that rocks with you when your life is not perfect will be the same one that is there if things fall apart 20 years from now knowing you have what it takes to overcome it.
The lack of maturity in men is they do not recognize the
woman they need and fail to change to keep her in their life. As I said with my
season’s analogy, so many are left standing in a blizzard that they missed out
on the beauty of the leaves changing. That resistance to change is the downfall
to relationships. I elaborated on trusting each other in my marriage proposal post. If you have a woman that doesn't try and be your mother and trusts that
there is more in you, that is who you need. Unless your goal is to be a
bachelor for life, I don’t understand why you don’t want to change when the
right person is in front of you. Instead many are selfish and miss out on
something great later to realize changing was inevitable. Why not just prove your
woman right? In the end you will be a
better man regardless of the outcome.
Endi:
Thanks for an insightful look into the mindset of women, even though we may disagree. it is one step closer to understanding within the gender war.
Thank you all for that read, the feedback and the discussions. Follow us on twitter to continue the discussion.
@abruptndemandin
@thelaurenway
ratchetsophistication@gmail.com
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