Ain't None of Your Friends Business - Part 2

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part 1 
     Welcome our faithful readers and newcomers. I am back for part 2 of “Aint None of Your Friends Business” If you haven’t had the chance to check out Part 1 please give it a read here. Last week Endi answered a few questions I asked in regard to how much information we share with our friends in relationships and then wanted the female perspective. I wouldn't be a woman if I didn’t have all the answers to questions I asked anyways. So of course I’ll give my perspective.

     As I said in Part 1, I have a close knit circle of friends that probably know me better than anyone so my trust in them is real. Not making male friendships any less but I think when a group of women can withstand the trials of friendship is something major. Women are way more judgmental just the idea of my ladies rocking with each other when we see each other’s highs and lows is significant. The older I am getting the dynamics of my relationships and friendships in general are changing.  We now have families, careers, and our man is supposed to be our best friend as well. Endi called it foolish but I want to marry my best friend but I will always have my other best friends.  As we are growing that girlfriend/boyfriend eventually becomes husband/wife and it becomes the most important relationship and everyone around has to respect that.

     I do think there is too much we can tell our friends. Our man/woman is supposed to be our best friend so any problems or issues should always be worked out with them first. That is just being a mature adult.  You’d be surprised how easier things get resolved when you go to the source first.  I’ve noticed that the people that fail most in pretty much anything are because they talked too much. This social media age many tend to tell more than they should to anyone that will listen. Even though I wish everyone has my best interest at heart I have learned that discretion is key, especially in relationships.  A relationship only requires two and that is all that should truly know what is going on. Most of the time a little communication fixes everything.

     This brings me to the next question. “Are there certain things our friends don’t need to know especially while in a relationship?” At this point in my life and I am hoping most of yours too, it’s less of the games I had to go through in my earlier 20s so when I confide in any of my friends it is a more serious issue pertaining to my man. I have less conversations about the smaller details and tend to go to them when it is something major whether good or bad.  I know certain intimate things do not need to ever be disclosed. I would love to say it is common sense but it is not that common. It really is all subjective but anyone that says anything to me in confidence it will remain between us and that’s lover, friend or associate. That is just trust but not everyone understands that. The cheating scenarios (except for if I am cheating because I am not a scum like Endi) outlined in Part 1, my friends are going to always have an idea because it is something major.

      The final question I had was concerning our friend’s opinion of our mate. Today I rarely give relationship advice because my ladies are going to do what they want and I do not listen to it because sure as hell will do what I want. This is just something through years of friendship that we learned. I remember this one dude my friend dated and I absolutely detested. This man was not the least bit attractive, had no money, no car, no job, lived with his mother, and was a habitual liar. SHE KEPT GOING BACK!!!! I wanted to shake sense into her daily. I think this was the last time I ever expressed my dislike for any of my friend’s men because it is their lesson to learn. This also taught me that we tend to only tell our friends the bad things our partner does when we need to rant so they only see bad and never the good. I just learned to keep to myself until I really need to just talk to someone because if I love him I do not want my friends who I trust to have a negative outlook on him.

     Our partners should know us well enough by the time we are in a relationship that we won't tell our friends anything that is destroying the relationships trust. I think this simple but I also do not trust many people with my inner thoughts so the friends I do confide in also have top secret clearance in all things Lauren.   I just say go to your partner first before anyone else, do not disclose anything your partner shared in intimacy, stop telling social media or anyone that will listen your relationship problems, and never just bad mouth your partner to your friends. It is easier said than done but I would say that helps.


Happy Friday Folks,

Lauren

@thelaurenway